ADHD VULNERABILITY HANGOVER

In September 2020, my entire life view shifted. When asked how I was, I would say  “Good” - but the long complicated backstory was a recent diagnosis of ADHD. 

Looking at my life through the lens of ADHD - I’ve clearly had the “inattentive” form my whole life - made me rethink and reframe. Disjointed events and situations that had no pattern suddenly took shape with common themes stringing them together. 

The inability to think / study / learn / succeed at anything “linear”. (Say what? All math and 90% of science classes?)

Inability to follow through, AND procrastination / getting started (especially  with those linear topics!) 

Paired with poor working memory / AKA horrible forgetfulness -

Throw in -

* Impulsivity (which truly messes up financial decisions, among other things)

* Time Blindness (inability to plan in advance - what? Plan for retirement? Remember to send cards / gifts out on time? Plan a vacation for next August? Planning in advance is a thing? Nah….)

*Which has led to an overall lack of planning in my life and wondering how I’d “ended up” somewhere that I hadn’t planned. (That’s happened a lot, rather than be intentional about major decisions.)

*Emotional dysregulation (overthinking EVERY single verbal inflection or comment and being ridiculously over sensitive about perceived “rejections”,  instead of being able to blow them off - i.e. living with teenagers is a minefield!). 

I was a discouraged mess.  I understood WHY I was a discouraged mess, because it’s a brain thing (under-firing prefrontal cortex and dopamine receptors that don’t work right.)  But my usual solution: work harder! Do more! Learn something else! Invest in a new program, or planner, or system for getting organized! seemed pretty futile. 

I didn’t feel resilient and resourceful. I lost my optimism and “I can work hard and figure this out” attitude. I assumed that this was part of the learning process - that I’d get my mojo back, and that I’d learn better strategies for completing projects. But I wasn’t there yet. I was stuck.  

I was in my head too much.

What? Was that a breakthrough?!?

 Recognition that ruminating ISN’T good for me??!

I KNEW that I get beyond this, but ...I recognize that I need help. And people. And honest self-evaluation, and vulnerability.

So since then, I’ve read a LOT, binged on many podcasts (adult ADHD is quite a niche!), talked to people about their experiences with it, been on websites and FB groups to learn strategies, and have started a coaching program for adults with ADHD. It’s a process, and a lifestyle change. It no longer feels insurmountable...in other words, my optimism and mojo has returned. In the words of Marie Forleo: “Everything is figureoutable!”